FEEDBACK: If you're kind.
DISCLAIMER: I own none of the BtVS characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Fox,
Mutant Enemy, the WB, and other parties.
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT: Implying sex.
SUMMARY: When a new demon comes to town and affects the patrons of Sunnydale,
how will the Scooby Gang defeat it?
COUPLES: B/A, C/D, W/O, G/J, X/A
TIMELINE: Fourth season.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Jenny never died, Angel came back to Buffy and is human with his
supernatural strength, set in the fourth season.
ALSO NOTE: I was feeling whacked out and crazy when I wrote this, so be kind.
It was a cold night, something very new to the small town of Sunnydale, California. Normally it was blistering hot, but as of late it had been inexplicably cold. People in town wore baggy sweaters and bulky coats. Young lovers snuggled deep into the covers and sought warmth from the other. Demons huddled in their caves with candles and bonfires flickering in front of them, casting eerie glows among their faces and spooky shadows among the walls. Vampires didn't feel the cold, so they hunted.
Vampire slayers hunted in the cemetery, keeping the world safe from the creatures of the night.
Or at least, were supposed to be.
Buffy and Angel cuddled against the tombstone of Marlie Stevenson. Buffy idly wondered if the girl, who died at age 17 in 1958, cared that she and her vampire lover were in the middle of a heavy makeout session on top of her grave. She decided she didn't care as Angel brought a hand beneath her shirt and caressed the sensitive area just below her neck, sending electric shock through her as his hands, extremely cold because of the weather, came into contact with her flushed skin.
Buffy pulled away from him, not wanting things to go further and end up having sex on this poor girl's grave, and leaned her forehead against his. "I think we should-"
He cut her off with another flourishing kiss, effectively silencing her. He leaned her back onto the ground and she wrapped both her arms and legs around him. She shivered as a sudden gust of wind blew through the cemetery, and she quickly untangled herself from him and sat up. "Angel, we should get going." She said, grabbing the blanket and wrapping it around herself.
"Giles said we should stay until at least 11:30 and-" He stopped momentarily to check his watch, "-it's only 11:00. We still have half an hour." He again leaned into her and gave her a tender, sweet kiss, but she pulled away before he could pursue anything else.
"Sorry, sweetie, but I'm really cold. Let's go to the mansion." She grabbed his hand and cuddled close to him as she set off.
Angel raised his eyebrows at her obvious intentions and squeezed her hand. "Won't your mom be worried?"
"Taken care of." She smiled wickedly at him and he chuckled at her enthusiasm, speeding them up a bit to reach their destination quicker.
Upon reaching the apartment, they immediately shed their clothing and jumped into bed. Their last words were Buffy screaming "Angel!" And Angel saying, "Good night, beloved."
Anya and Xander were bored. They were watching an old episode of 'I Love Lucy' and Anya was eating a bag of popcorn while Xander was staring at her legs. When she turned to look at him and saw that he obviously wanted to do other things besides watching her favorite old television show, she set the popcorn aside and said simply, "Let's have sex."
Xander happily agreed and they scrambled into bed. Soon afterwards, they lay together in the darkness. "That was one big orgasm." Xander said, and they both drifted off.
Willow and Oz smiled at each other as they lay in bed, Oz trailing light circles with his fingertips on Willow's stomach. "Can you believe that it's already vacation?" Willow whispered.
Oz smiled. "Yeah, it's pretty amazing."
"I mean, we just had finals a little while ago and already it's going to be the 25th in a couple of days." She sighed happily and snuggled deeper into Oz's embrace. "I'm so tired."
"Go to sleep." He whispered into her ear.
Her eyes drooped and she smiled. "I love you." She said before drifting off to sleep.
The last thing she heard were Oz's mumbled, "I love you too. More than anything."
Giles and Jenny sat in the library, closer than one would be to any other normal person. Jenny was attempting to show Giles the finer points of computers, and failing miserably. He sighed in utter agony and turned his head up to hers. "Can we stop now? Please?"
She frowned at him, but allowed him to stand up from in front of the computer. "You're hopeless." She exclaimed.
"I know. Thank God." He muttered.
She rolled his eyes and sidled up to him, seductively running his hand along his chest. "You may be a stuffy old British watcher with no sense of technology, but you're my stuffy old British watcher and I still love you." She smiled up at him before kissing him fully on the lips.
"Very good." He mumbled after she pulled away.
She smiled devilishly and raised her eyebrows. "Maybe tomorrow you can see how good I can be." Giles blushed a deep red color and she laughed. "But right now I have to go grade papers, so I'll see ya, Rupert."
"Yes, later then!" He called out to her.
She didn't respond, simply walked out the doors, leaving Giles unsteady and reeling from the intense kiss she had delivered. He touched his lips, grinning like a teenage boy and did a little skip to the counter. "Simply jolly!" He cried.
Xander awoke the next morning and found Anya snuggled up to his chest. He smiled down at her and kissed her on the forehead before getting dressed. He picked up the phone and dialed the all too familiar numbers to Buffy's house. She was supposed to be staying at her mother's house for the weekend to spend quality time with Joyce. He suspected that she'd be at Angel's, but he'd just try her house first. Personally, he didn't even see why Joyce tried. Buffy had moved in with Angel, and the older women hadn't wanted to let go and had Buffy over practically everyday. Everyone could see that the slayer was getting a bit tired of her mother's persuasiveness and was attempting to avoid confrontation for a while.
When Joyce answered, he prepared to say his usual line of 'Hi Ms. Summers, is Buffy there?' But instead, a different word came out. "Orgasm."
Joyce gasped on the other line and prepared to yell at whoever this was and cried, "Tired!"
They both looked bewildered for a moment before slamming down the phone. Xander grabbed his coat and rushed out of the house, running towards Angel's, certain they would know if something was wrong.
As he reached there, he burst in the door. He groaned as they scrambled up and covered themselves in the blanket, hiding themselves from Xander's view and searching for their clothes.
"Angel!" Buffy cried, halting when the word came out of her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that. She had meant to say 'Xander'.
"Beloved?" Angel questioned, and immediately became as confused as she was.
"Orgasm!" Xander screamed. They both turned to look at him with surprised and worried looks.
Xander seemed very confused and flabbergasted. He desperately tried to speak differently, to no avail. "Orgasm!" He cried. "Orgasm! Orgasm!"
Angel knew something was wrong and attempted to say so, but what came out was the word he used for Buffy whenever he was alone with her. "Beloved beloved.." He trailed off and looked uncertainly around the room.
Xander gave him a confused look. "Orgasm?" His hand flew to his mouth and he stomped around the room in a mini temper tantrum.
"Angel." He immediately turned to look at her and she, grateful that she at least spoke a normal word, pointed to her eyes. Angel nodded at her silent instructions and pulled Xander into the hall.
They hopped into the car and raced to Giles' house, screeching into the driveway and running to the front door, pounding hardly on it and waking everyone in the house. Jenny answered the door and Xander, Angel, and Buffy shoved their way into the room.
Jenny was left at the door, bewildered. She turned to look at them and spoke. "Rupert ruper-" She cut herself off and cleared her throat, trying again, "Rup-" Her eyes widened and she screamed, "Rupert!"
The watcher soon rushed into the room clad in only his pajamas, blinking his eyes against the bright lights. "Jolly." He muttered, then widened his eyes in surprise. "Jolly."
Spike walked into the room and rolled his eyes as he saw the people who had woken him up. "Well, this is nice. Great little gathering we have here."
"Orgasm!" Xander arrogantly shouted at him.
Giles and Jenny looked at him in surprise and the vampire gave him a strange look before grabbing his cup of blood from the fridge. "Can't give ya that, toots. Go to Anya or someone."
Xander pointed an accusing finger at him, but didn't attempt to speak anymore.
Giles walked to the table and got a notebook and a pen, writing something down and showing it to the group. It read: 'We have to get to the bottom of this. The last word I spoke last night was 'jolly' and it seems to be the only thing I can say. What about you?'
They each in turn wrote down the last word they had spoke last night, except for Xander, who refused. Giles ended up writing it for him.
Anya soon burst in, then walked over to Xander and kissed him lightly. Then she turned angrily over to the others. "Sex." She said.
Buffy laughed and grabbed the notebook from Giles, writing furiously on it. When done, she displayed it to Anya and Xander. It read: 'I take it you guys had sex last night.'
Anya turned to look at Xander questioningly and he sighed before speaking so quietly only Buffy, Angel, Anya, and Spike could hear, considering their special senses and how the ex-demon was so close to him.
"Orgasm." He muttered.
Anya widened her eyes and nodded her head. "Sex." She then pulled him away and into the only secluded bedroom in the house.
The others rolled their eyes and Buffy called Willow with a plan. As soon as the hacker answered the phone, the word 'you' was out of her mouth and she yelped. This awoke Oz, who attempted to speak to her, but the word that came out was 'anything'. They soon hung up the phone and the slayer presumed they were on their way.
Buffy turned to look at Giles and scribbled on the notebook paper once more. She displayed it to Giles, who shrugged. It read: 'How do we stop this?'
Anya and Xander soon returned, looking rather messy, but presentable none the less.
When no response came on how to stop speaking the same word over and over again, she wrote once more and showed it to everyone. 'Do we know if anyone else was affected?'
Xander nodded and walked over to her, grabbing the notebook. 'Yeah, I called your mom and she was affected.'
Buffy widened her eyes as she read what he had written and stole the pen from him. 'You called my mom? What did she say? What did you say?'
Xander sighed. 'I said orgasm and she said tired.'
Buffy immediately gasped in horror and cried, "Angel!" Before she ran into his arms and hugged him.
He questioned her with his eyes and she went over to Xander and grabbed the notebook, showing it to her lover. He read it and he tightened his hold on his lover and glared at Xander.
The boy exasperatedly shrugged as if saying that he didn't know he could only speak that one word.
At this time, Willow and Oz knocked, then rushed in without waiting to be answered. When they saw everyone there already, they sighed in relief and plopped onto the couch.
From the kitchen, Spike laughed out loud and the others all turned to look at him. He strolled into the room with a confident smile. "I'm the only one who can talk here. Isn't that something?" He plopped himself onto the couch and turned on the TV.
As 'Days of our Lives' blared from the television, the others miserably sat in silence until the phone shrilled against the wall. Xander, who was standing next to it, instinctively picked it up.
"Orgasm?" He pounded his fist against the wall as soon as he said it, but sighed in relief when the other voice answered.
"Xander?" Cordelia's voice asked. "That's so gross! What if this wasn't me and it was actually someone who mattered? Ugh! Is Angel there, too? I need to talk to him and I was calling Giles to see if he had his number. I lost it."
Xander, never one to miss a chance to pick on his old girlfriend, grinned. "Orgasm! Orgasm!" He delightfully said.
Cordelia screamed on the other end and demanded for Angel. The boy shrugged and handed the phone to the ex-vampire, who took it and placed it to his ear. He cleared his throat to let Cordelia know that he was there and she started chattering on and on about how she and Doyle were coming down in about fifteen minutes for Christmas.
When he didn't respond, she impatiently said, "Hello? Are you listening?"
"Beloved." Angel immediately said, then cursed under his breath, but instead of cursing merely said 'beloved' again.
"What is wrong with you people?" She cried. "Have you lost your minds? I am *not* your beloved!" She sighed. "We'll be there in an hour." There was a click and then silence met his ears and he hung up the phone.
He grabbed the notebook and wrote something, Buffy peeking to see what he said. He held it up to the group and it explained that Doyle and Cordelia were coming down.
They all nodded and Giles picked up a book, researching for anything that might save their words.
The newspaper came about half an hour later, and on the headline were the words 'COMMUNITY ABLE TO SPEAK ONLY ONE WORD'. It went on to say that pretty much the whole town of Sunnydale could only speak one word, apparently starting early this morning.
Giles snapped his finger and all turned to face him. He pointed to some text which stated that three people could perform a ritual at midnight and everyone would regain their regular vocabulary. It explained that it had to be performed only at 12:00 midnight, not even one second after or before. It should only take about thirty seconds and if done properly, would restore everyone's vocabulary and also kill the demon which had done this. He had concluded that the reason Spike wasn't affected was because he wasn't human, and the reason for Cordelia and Doyle was obviously because they hadn't been in Sunnydale last night.
There was an impatient knock on the door a few minutes later, and Giles rose to answer it. As he opened the door, he smiled and ushered them in. "Jolly!" He exclaimed.
Cordelia eyed him strangely. "Yeah, it's simply jolly that we're here."
"Rupert," Jenny pointedly said, eyebrows raised and her head urging to Cordelia and Doyle.
Giles sighed and wrote to her saying that they needed a third person for the ritual. Jenny pointed to Spike, and he contemplated on whether or not to trust the vampire. Buffy grabbed the notebook from Giles and wrote a lengthy summary of what was happening and gave it to Cordelia and Doyle. As they finished reading, Anya, who had just returned from the kitchen with a box of Wheaties, waved hello and said, "Sex." before sitting next to Spike and watching the soap opera with him.
The two raised their eyebrows and looked back to the ritual that Giles was holding out for them. They read it and seeing that it was okay, they nodded their consent and sat to watch the show with the ex-demon and the vampire, who were fighting for the Wheaties.
They passed the day by playing games like Tic-Tac-Toe, Monopoly, and Scrabble. Most of the time, they watched television and they did.. other things. They had to share the bedroom though, so many sheets were used and replaced.
At exactly 11:55, they prepared for the ritual. Doyle, Cordelia, and Spike sat in a circle and joined hands. Doyle would speak the ritual, the others would just concentrate on not breaking their hold on anyone's hand.
At 12:00, they began the ritual. Doyle spoke slowly as the incantation required, and soon a breeze swept around the room and screams were heard racking throughout the area.
It stopped at 12:01, and the first one to hesitantly speak was Xander. "..hi?" He croaked, then broke out into a grin. "Hi! Hello! Whoop-dee-do!" He jumped around and did a little dance before dragging Anya away.
The others, tired and relieved to have their vocabulary back, rode home with their respective lovers. Cordelia and Doyle would be staying in a separate room in the mansion.
As Buffy and Angel lay together in bed, the slayer frowned. "I wonder what I'm going to say to my mom."
"About what?" Angel asked.
She smirked. "About 'orgasm'."
Angel grinned before kissing her deeply, soon enough leading her to her own orgasm.