Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

by Pamela

Angel awoke to find himself alone in bed. He opened his eyes in confusion, wondering where Buffy had gone, until the smell of coffee and eggs reached his nose.

"Buffy?" He called groggily.

A moment later, Buffy appeared next to the bed with a tray in her hands, clad only in her flannel shirt. "Morning."

"Hi baby." He replied, sitting up in the bed as she sat next to him and handed him a mug of coffee from the tray. He drank took a sip and smiled. "You know just how I like it."

She smiled back at him and moved the tray onto his lap. "I made you eggs."

"Did you already eat?"

"Nah… I’m not hungry." In actuality, the thought of eating the eggs was revolting; the mere scent of them was making her queasy.

Angel took a bite of the eggs. "Mmm… these are good! I had no idea you knew how to cook."

Buffy smiled nervously. "Oh, there’s a few things about me you don’t know."

Angel smiled back at her and kissed her cheek before getting back to his eggs. "Well, I’m sure I will know all there is to know about Buffy before long."

"Oh yeah, it’s…. unavoidable…" Buffy replied. She had woken with the sun that morning, the now familiar ache in her stomach that had grown with her worry. Eventually she had gotten up, deciding she might as well do something as she thought. It had turned out to be a good idea, because as she made Angel’s breakfast she had come up with a plan.

"Angel?"

"Hmm?"

"I’ve been thinking… and, you know how I got really great SAT scores?"

"Yes, and, as you know, I’m extremely proud of your SAT scores." He smiled. "Why?"

"Well, um, I just sort of rethought some things, and I kind of changed my mind."

"About what?" Angel asked, growing apprehensive.

Buffy looked down, knowing if she had to see his soft brown eyes she’d never be able to go through with it. "I decided that I want to go to one of those colleges I got accepted to back east."

Angel sat in silence for a moment, full of disbelief. "You want to leave?"

Buffy nodded. "I’m so sorry, it’s just that… I think if I don’t go to a good school while I have the chance it might be something I regret someday."

Angel took a deep breath, trying to be supportive. "Okay, I can deal with that. You know I bet your mother wouldn’t mind at all if I were to live out there. I could still go to the art shows, and every once in a while I could come back here and check in, you could come with me! She’d love that."

Buffy shook her head. "No, Angel."

"What?"

"I want you to stay here. I want to be normal, I want to be the average college student."

"You don’t want to… you don’t want to marry me?"

Buffy stood, fighting desperately to stop the tears that were welled in her eyes from spilling down her face. "No, I don’t. At least not now. I’m so sorry that you already bought the house and everything, but… you can always use a house… eventually, you’ll want a family, even if it’s not with me."

Angel stood up. "No, you’re the only one I want! What is going on, Buffy?"

Buffy started pulling on her pants and shoes. "Angel, I just realized that I’m eighteen and now I finally have a chance at normalcy and I need to take it. I don’t expect you to wait for me, that’s not fair."

"But Buffy..."

"Angel, don’t you want me to be happy?"

"You know I do."

"Well, this is what I want Angel. Maybe I’ll hate it, but I have to go and see, I have to give it a chance, that way I won’t say in ten or twenty years that I wonder how I would have ended up if I had gone to a really good school."

"What about how you’re going to feel in ten years if you break up with me?"

Buffy looked up at him sadly, before rushing out the door.

Angel stood alone, wondering what had gone so wrong.

Buffy barely made it to her car before she burst into tears. She spent the next several minutes in the driver’s seat, sobbing. She hated hurting him, she hated lying and telling him that what she wanted was the opposite of what she really wanted. There was nothing she wanted more than to spend the rest of her life with him and having his children, but she loved him too much to do this to him. He had suffered so much, and now he was finally human. She couldn’t take away his freedom and tie him down with a child when it was something he so obviously didn’t want.

Buffy finally composed herself and drove home. Not wanting to face Giles and her mother, she climbed in her bedroom window, something she hadn’t done in almost a year. She crept inside, careful not to alert them to her presence. She looked sadly in her full-length mirror for a moment, running her hands over her abdomen. She probably had about three more months before she could possible show. Hopefully, her mother would buy that she wanted to settle at the school a month before she had to. Sighing, she realized she would have to tell her mother, and probably before she left. There was no way she could avoid her for the rest of her life, like she could with Angel. The thought brought warm tears to her eyes that she let spill over, running down her face. She crawled into her bed and under her blankets so that she could cry her heart out.

"Buffy?" Joyce asked as she shook her daughter awake from her spot sitting on the edge of Buffy’s bed. She’d been surprised to see Buffy’s car outside, neither her nor Rupert had heard her come home.

Buffy eyes fluttered open. "Hi Mom."

"What are you doing home? It’s not even noon."

Buffy shrugged. "I just felt like sleeping in my own bed."

"When did you get here? Rupert said your car wasn’t there when he went out front to get the paper at eight."

"I guess I got here at about ten." Buffy yawned.

Wrinkling her forehead in concern, she pushed the hair out of her daughter’s face. "What’s wrong Buffy?"

"Nothing." Buffy replied, but Joyce wasn’t fooled.

"Buffy, tell me what is going on. Did you and Angel have a fight?"

"Not exactly." Buffy replied, her voice cracking.

"What happened Honey?"

"I… I changed my mind Mom. I don’t want to get married yet. I want to go away, to a good school."

"When did you decide this?" Joyce asked, her eyebrows raised.

"I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I finally told Angel today and I think he hates me."

"Oh, Buffy, I’m sure he doesn’t hate you. Are you sure about this?"

Buffy nodded, trying desperately not to cry.

"Honey, he loves you. He wants the best for you. If this is what you want, Angel wants it too. Why don’t you go ahead and sleep some more? I’m making some sandwiches, I’ll wake you up when they’re ready." She kissed her daughter’s forehead and left the room, shutting the door softly behind her.

Buffy thought about her mother’s words. ‘If this is what you want, Angel wants it too.’ What if it wasn’t what she wanted?

The next afternoon, Angel heard a knock at the door. In the first hundred years he had lived alone after being re-ensouled, he had never been so lonely as he had been for the past 24 hours. When he heard the knock, his heart filled with hope.

When he flung it open and found Joyce, he was surprised, then worried. "Joyce, is Buffy okay?"

"Not exactly." She replied.

He gestured for her to come in, then asked. "What’s wrong?"

"I’m not exactly sure. She told me about this plan she has all of a sudden to go away to college, and she’s insisting she wants to go to NYU or one of the schools over there, which I don’t understand. But Angel, it’s not just that… she’s miserable. It’s like pulling teeth to get her to do anything. I had to pester and pester her to get out of bed yesterday to eat anything, and today she refused to change out of her pajamas, she spent the whole day on the couch, watching MTV."

Angel shook his head and sighed. "I don’t know what is going on. She seemed happy... I mean, she was tired, really tired, but she still was happy. I don’t think I made her mad or anything."

Joyce nodded. "Maybe she’s just frightened. A lot of times people who are ten years older than her have a little panic attack before a wedding, maybe that’s all this is. Angel, I know that she loves you. There is a part of me that says maybe it is a better choice to let her go to a great school, but I want her to be happy, and if she does this, she’ll be miserable."

"I don’t want to make her stay here if she wants to go. I want to give her whatever she wants. I guess I’m being selfish, but I want to be with her. I was going to go with her, I figured you wouldn’t mind if I lived wherever Buffy lived and just dropped by the gallery once a month or whatever, but she said no."

Joyce nodded. "Then it looks like maybe I am right. Maybe she’s just frightened. So much is happening to her; she’s getting a new brother, graduating high school, getting married. Change is a difficult thing, Angel, and this is probably just too much. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of this."

Angel nodded; he had to have faith that if they worked together he could get his Buffy back. He needed her.

Buffy was nearly knocked down by Willow and Cordelia as she walked into school Monday morning.

"Did you tell him?" Cordelia asked anxiously.

Buffy bit her lip. "I’ve taken care of the problem."

"You didn’t… I mean…. you’re still pregnant, right?" Willow whispered.

"Yes, I am. I just… took care of the problem about telling Angel."

"Something tells me that you didn’t take care of this problem the way a normal person would, which would be to *tell* him, am I right?" Cordelia asked.

Buffy shrugged. "I told you guys, I am not going to make him be a father if he doesn’t want to. Friday night he told me as much."

Willow was getting very worried. "What did you do Buffy?"

Buffy looked down. "I decided I would just go away to college, somewhere far, maybe on the East Coast."

"You told him you’re leaving?" Cordelia asked incredulously.

"Yes, I did. I know I have to tell my mother, but I’m going to wait until after I get there. Then hopefully she’ll never tell Angel."

"Let me get this straight. You just broke Angel’s heart, and your own, so that you can go off all alone to a school that you don’t want to go to, and have his child instead of staying here, getting married, and living happily ever after with the love of your life." Cordelia stated.

"It won’t be happily ever after. It’ll be me: eighteen years old, married, with a baby. And it’ll be Angel: trapped in a life he wasn’t ready for. Either way, I’m going to be a mother, but he doesn’t have to be a father and he doesn’t want to, so I love him enough not to force him."

"Buffy, why don’t you give him a chance to decide for himself?" Willow asked.

"Do you honestly believe Angel is going to be un-noble enough to say he doesn’t want to take care of the baby?" Buffy replied.

"You know, you’re obviously insane, I understand, pregnant people get like that. So you know what? I’m going to butt in and tell Angel the truth." Cordelia announced.

Buffy got in her face. "You had better not if you *ever* want me to speak to you again. This is *my* life! *Stay* *out*!"

"Hey, this seems like a tense situation, what’s going on?" Xander asked, walking up to the three girls.

"Nothing." Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia replied in unison.

Buffy and Cordelia backed off, and the four of them headed to their classes.

Joyce sat in her office in the gallery, twirling a pencil in front of her face. It had been five days since Buffy had told Angel she wanted to go away to college, and she hadn’t made any progress with her daughter, she was incredibly stubborn. Poor Angel was a mess. He was a professional, so he did shave and shower and dress as he always had, but there were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked so sad all the time. She’d never realized just how much joy her daughter brought him. She chewed on the eraser, wondering if she could possible force Buffy to stay home. She shook her head and smiled at the irony. Most mothers would gladly ship their daughters off hundreds of miles away in order to stop them from marrying a man much older than them, whereas she was doing the exact opposite.

She just wished she could get Buffy to admit that she was just frightened or whatever the problem was. She was positive that Buffy didn’t honestly want to put her education over her life with Angel. So, she was left wondering, what was up with her?

Cordelia and Willow leaned against the sinks in the girl’s bathroom, trying to talk loud enough that they wouldn’t hear Buffy yakking in one of the stalls. It had become an almost daily ritual that the three of them would gather in there before lunch because Buffy seemed to get sick right about that time every day.

Buffy came out of the stall, a weary look on her face as she walked over to the sink to rinse her mouth out.

"Buffy, you know, I was wrong, there’s definitely no way you won’t be able to hide your condition. The whole, ‘I’ve been spewing constantly, I can’t get enough sleep, and I’m miserable after dumping my dream man because I’m a pig headed fruitcake’ look is pretty unnoticeable." Cordelia told her sarcastically.

Buffy looked up at them, but instead of giving Cordelia a sharp comeback, like she expected, she looked pitiful.

"Buffy?" Willow asked, concerned.

Buffy closed her eyes and fell back, smacking her head against the porcelain sink as she fainted.

"Giles!" Cordelia yelled as she came into the library.

Giles jumped in surprise then took a step out of the bookcage, intending to yell at the teenager for yelling in the library. However, when he saw the state she was in, he knew something was wrong.

"What’s going on Cordelia?" He asked.

Joyce was startled out of her reverie when her phone rang. "Hello?"

As she heard what the person on the other end of the phone said, her eyes widened with fear.

"Okay, I’ll be right there!" She said, before hanging the phone up and grabbing her coat and jacket. She rushed out of her office and into Angel’s a few doors down.

"Angel, I need you to drive me to the hospital."

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I’m fine." She told him, before adding worriedly. "It’s Buffy."

Angel and Joyce rushed through the emergency room doors to find Giles pacing in front of Oz, Willow, and Cordelia as they sat in the uncomfortable plastic chairs. Nobody had bothered telling Xander; they didn’t need to deal with him until they had to.

"Is she okay?" Joyce asked, frantic.

"Well,  we haven’t heard anything, yet, but I’m sure she is." Giles told her.

"What happened?" Angel asked.

"Well, we were in the bathroom and Buffy was kind of… sick to her stomach… and then she came out and fainted." Cordelia explained.

"She’s been sick to her stomach?" Joyce asked. "I didn’t see it, why didn’t I see it? I’ve been trying so hard to pay close attention to her."

"She didn’t want you to see it." Cordelia reassured her.

"Why would she do that?" Giles wondered aloud.

Cordelia and Willow both looked down so that nobody would see the guilty looks on their faces. Unfortunately, everyone noticed this.

"Why was she hiding it?" Giles asked them.

The two girls looked up and tried to look innocent, but it wouldn’t work. Angel decided to go with their best bet -- Willow.

He moved closer to the redhead and crouched in front of her. Willow knew what was coming and whimpered, then looked to Cordelia for support, but she just shrugged.

"Willow, please tell us what’s going on, we’re so worried about Buffy." He begged, using his best puppy dog look.

Willow whimpered again. "I don’t know." She whispered.

"Willow, please? You know I love Buffy and this worrying…. it’s killing me!"

"Oh! This is mean!" Willow whined. Sighing, she gave in. "Buffy’s…. pregnant."

"Mrs. Summers?" A doctor asked, approaching Joyce who sat shocked next to and equally shocked Angel.

"Huh?" was Joyce’s dazed reply.

"I’m Dr. Porter." He greeted, holding his hand out to Joyce.

She shook it and stood. She gestured to Giles. "This is my husband…. Buffy’s stepfather, Rupert Giles."

The doctor and Giles shook hands. "These are all Buffy’s friends. Oh, and this," he added, pointing at Angel, "is Buffy’s… uh… well, sort of her fiancé, Angel."

Angel stood up and shook the doctor’s hand.

"Well, if the three of you will come with me, I’ll tell you about Buffy’s condition."

"No, go ahead and tell all of us, Dr. Porter, we’re all practically family." Joyce smiled nervously.

"All right. Well, you are aware of Buffy’s…. condition, correct?"

"Yes, we just found out she’s pregnant a few minutes ago." Angel told him, looking pointedly at Willow and Cordelia.

"Okay, well, she’s been experiencing quite a bit of morning sickness, and she got dehydrated. It’s really nothing to be too alarmed about, it happens fairly often. Unfortunately, she hit her head on the sink when she fainted, so she does have a slight concussion, and we had to give her some stitches. She should be fine; she’ll just have to be watched for 24 hours. You know someone will have to wake her up every hour. I understand that you are pregnant yourself, so if you and your husband can’t do it, I can get her admitted overnight."

Joyce shook her head. "No, we’ll take care of it. Buffy hates hospitals."

The doctor smiled. "I know, she’s been trying to leave ever since she regained consciousness."

"She’s awake?" Angel asked.

Dr. Porter nodded. "I don’t think she should have a lot of visitors, at least not for a couple of hours, but I think it would be alright for the three of you to come see her for a few minutes."

The doctor led Joyce, Giles, and Angel to the small room Buffy was in. Joyce rushed right into the room, but Giles and Angel hung back in the doorway.

"Mom, I want to go home, please?" Buffy begged.

Joyce sat down in the chair next to her head and ran her hand over Buffy’s forehead, careful to avoid the bandage for her stitches. "In a while Sweetie."

"We just need to keep you here for a couple of hours, Buffy, but you should be home right in time for Judge Judy." The doctor joked. "I’ll leave you four alone." He left the room and Giles and Angel moved slowly closer to Buffy. Buffy was surprised to see Angel, and carefully avoided making eye contact with him.

"How are you doing Buffy?" Giles asked.

Buffy shrugged slightly. "I’ve been better."

"Rupert, I am dying for some water. Let’s go get some. Angel, you’ll keep Buffy company, won’t you?"

Angel nodded as Joyce and Giles exited, leaving the two lovers alone in the room. He quietly sat in the chair next to Buffy, taking a deep breath.

"Is this why you came up with the college thing, Buffy? You wanted to hide your pregnancy?"

Buffy nodded. "You don’t want a baby yet, I understand."

"But I do Buffy! I want you to have my baby. I look at your mother with Giles and I want for that to be me with you so badly."

"Angel, you told me," she argued, her voice cracking as she stopped fighting the tears, letting them flood out of her eyes, "you told me that you didn’t want me to have a baby for a long time."

"I just said that so I wouldn’t scare you. I know that you’re young and a baby is something you probably didn’t want, but you’re pregnant, and I guess you’re upset about it, but there is a part of me that is happy because you are having my baby. You, the woman I love more than anything."

Buffy looked away. "You’re just saying that. You’re too much of a gentleman to ditch me while I’m pregnant."

Angel sighed. "What do I have to say to prove to you that I want this baby?"

"You can’t, because I know the truth!"

Angel spent ten more minutes trying to convince her, but she could be incredibly stubborn when she wanted. A nurse finally whisked him out, telling him Buffy had to rest for a while.

He walked back to the waiting room and found everyone sitting there, having light conversations. When they saw him coming, they all quieted, anxious to hear about Buffy’s progress.

"She’s certainly as stubborn as always. I think she’ll be fine, but she won’t believe that I want this baby. She says she’s still going away for school."

Joyce frowned. "Well, it’s not going to be easy, but if we work together, we can make her give in, I just know it!"

They moved to the hospital’s cafeteria, where they spent half an hour scheming up plans to make Buffy surrender. With the six of them conspiring against her, she didn’t stand a chance.

Buffy leaned heavily against the window of the car, squishing against her side as much as possible, as if she couldn’t get far enough away from Angel, who sat across from her as he drove his 4Runner. Her mother had insisted she go with Angel. It figured that Mom would scheme with *him* behind her back.

She had not been at all happy to hear that Angel had been chosen to watch over her for her concussion, plus he’d be in charge of taking care of her throughout the weekend, since her doctor had ordered her to stay in bed until Monday morning. Dr. Crawford had dropped by and scheduled an appointment for an ultrasound Monday afternoon, and by some miracle, Buffy had managed to make her mother promise to take her. Buffy was going to have a hard enough time staying mad at him all weekend. She just had to remind herself that she was pregnant because of him and he was insulting her intelligence enough to believe he had lied and said he didn’t want a baby just to make her happy. What a load of crap!

When they arrived home, Angel tried to help Buffy out of the car, but she shrugged him off, even though her concussion was making her very dizzy. Joyce smiled sympathetically at him as he followed Buffy as she marched around the house.

"Buffy, please, whatever you need, I will get it for you. You need to lie down, if not in your bed than on the couch." Angel told her.

"Don’t tell me what to do! You think that just because you get somebody pregnant you can tell them what to do? Well, you can’t! Giles doesn’t tell Mom what to do!"

"Your mother lets Giles help her!"

"Maybe that’s because *Giles* doesn’t insult her intelligence!" Buffy argued.

"Please, could we leave me out of this?" Giles asked quietly from his spot on the couch reading a book.

"How do I insult your intelligence?" Angel asked, getting exasperated. The patient, understand boyfriend thing didn’t work, maybe a more forceful approach would do the trick.

"You expect me to believe this lie that you *want* a baby! I’m not mad that you got me pregnant, it does, after all, take two; I’m mad that you won’t just say you’re upset that I am pregnant because you do not want a baby!"

"But I do want a baby!"

Buffy sighed. "Please Angel, I need something."

Angel immediately softened. "What?"

Buffy looked up at him, sweetness written all over her face. "LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Angel groaned, then picked Buffy up in his arms. Luckily for him, the concussion and dehydration had weakened her, and she couldn’t fight back very much, so he easily carried her up to her room. "It’s time for you to rest."

It was going to be a long weekend.

The End

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