by Shirlz
Disclaimer: My petition for adoption of Buffy and Angel
was refused by the courts so Joss is still Daddy.
Title and lyrics from ‘Can’t Take Your Memory’ by
Don Johnson from the album ‘Heartbeat’
(Yes I bought it TWICE and it’s good!)
Rating: PG (aren’t they all!)
Spoilers: From end of S3 onwards
Thanx: DB/SMG; the gang from the Internet Birthday
Bash last night – I had fun but sleep deprivation
is so not the way to go!!!
Author’s Notes: Lyrics in Italics
I thought when it came down to it you wouldn’t follow through. I thought that you were just using threats, and when the time came our love would be enough to hold you here. I was wrong.
‘You can pack your bags, take a walk
Throw your hands in the air, refuse to talk
Swear to be damned, it was all a bad dream
Leaving me with a silent scream’
When I want to be close to you I go to the apartment. Although the majority of your things have gone there is still enough to remind me of you. The bed. It still bears it’s red linen. I run my hand over the soft material remembering how it felt when you and I were entwined beneath it.
‘You can take the photos off the walls
Leave empty echoes in the halls
I still see your face when I look around
I see your lips move, but there’s no sound
You can throw away reminders of you and me’
People keep telling me to move on; you included. I remember our sewer chat word for word. ‘I DON’T.’ Why don’t you? Why don’t you want my life to be with you? I heard all your lines and I didn’t believe a word of them; I still don’t.
Did you rehearse them? It sounded so perfectly scripted. Damn you! I know you still love and want me as much as I love and want you.
‘I know some day I’ll break free
From thinking about these used to be’s
Even though you’re long since gone
There’s little things about you that keep hanging on’
Will I ever forget you? Will the things that are so fresh in my mind fade over time? I can honestly answer no. You are as vital to my existence as air. Even if you only live on in my memory you will never truly leave my life.
‘It’s no good to dwell upon it they say
I’ve found a thousand ways to make it through each day
Then the sun goes down and the shadows grow tall
My mind goes to you like it’s nothing at all’
When I’m slaying, that’s when I really notice your absence. I expect you to be there, protecting me, covering my back. And then I remember; I have to do this alone now. I can’t rely on you any more. All I have of you are my memories.
‘You can take my heart, tear it apart
But you’ll never, never take your memory
Cos you’re still in my heart’