Confessions
by Pamela
FEEDBACK: I gotta have it! Just as a bit of motivation, I could say to hell with my rule about making everything all real time… and send my next story a lot sooner than the middle of next week. That’s if I get enough requests!
SUMMARY: AIL series. Buffy and Angel do something big and Buffy shares her secret!
DISCLAIMER: I don’t own them. If I did I wouldn’t be going to bed soon for a long day in hell aka work tomorrow.
NOTE: Thanks to Mel for proofing!
"Angel, I’m pregnant."
Buffy shook her head and sighed at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She had just gotten home from her appointment with Dr. Crawford. The doctor told her that she really needed to talk to Angel, and she was right. Buffy doubted she could go through with an abortion, or give the child she carried for nine months to another person especially since Angel would probably notice something was up. So she had to tell him.
But was she too much of a wuss?
She walked back into her bedroom and took off her bathrobe, looking at her body, clad only in underwear, in the full-length mirror. She looked closely at her abdomen, which was flat as a pancake, The doctor had told her that with strong stomach muscles like hers, she could probably be pregnant for 5 months without showing, however, it was probably a good idea to tell him before then.
She was just so scared. What if he didn’t want a baby? Would he leave her? Angel never seemed like the leaving type, but still… What if he did the noble thing and married her and provided for her and their child and all that, but fell out of love with her because he never wanted a child? What if he didn’t love her anymore when she got big?
She sighed again and began to get dressed. She was meeting Angel at his place for take-out and videos. The thought of food revolted her, but she could handle it in small increments. She’d been sick to her stomach all week, not just in the mornings. She wanted to throttle the person who’d called it morning sickness. Buffy would get sick first thing in the morning, then be okay for a few hours, then do it again. She couldn’t go more than three or four hours without getting sick. Luckily, Giles and Joyce were so wrapped up in the baby and work that they were easy to hide it from. Angel had noticed she was pale and a bit tired but not enough to put two and two together.
She brushed her hair up into a ponytail and grabbed her purse. She might as well tell him tonight, when she was sure they’d be alone and have some time to talk.
"You okay?" Angel asked, brushing the side of Buffy’s cheek with the back of his hand.
She smiled and nodded, leaning into his hand as they sat on the couch in his apartment. "It’s just been a long week, school is getting into it’s end of year chaos thing, especially since they are preparing to free us from the prison they call Sunnydale High."
Angel smiled. "You know, I’ve been thinking, we need a bigger place."
"We do?"
"Yeah. I mean, I know it’s just the two of us, but I want really nice things for you."
"Angel, I like this apartment."
"It’s a tiny studio, I want us to have a real place, with a nice kitchen, an actual dining room, and a living room where you can’t see the bed!" He joked, as if the thought of such a place was an amazing idea.
Buffy smiled. "Knowing you, I’m guessing there’s something you had in mind."
"You know me so well." He replied, giving her a soft kiss on the lips. "It’s this house I saw on Old Mill Road. It’s got a two-car garage; it’s two-stories, four bedrooms, a kitchen, living room, and a dining room with picture windows. You would love it."
"You’ve been checking it out, I see." She laughed. It was the perfect time to tell him, after he had told her about this house that he loved that would be perfect for having a family.
"Do you want to go check it out now? I talked to the realtor; it belonged to an eccentric woman that lived up in the northern part of the state. She died before doing anything with the house, it was only finished about a month ago, so it’s practically brand new and her family just wants to sell it."
"You mean you didn’t already buy it?" She grinned. "I’d love to go see."
Angel smiled and got up from the couch, pulling her up with him. "I’m telling you, Buffy, you are going to *love* it!"
Buffy laughed as he pulled her out of the apartment, full of excitement. She allowed her to push all thoughts of the baby out of her mind so she could enjoy Angel’s almost giddy state.
The house was everything Angel said it was and more. They could only see the outside that night, but first thing the next morning Angel picked her up so that they could go meet the realtor. Buffy adored the house; it was absolutely perfect. Angel was beyond pleased. By that afternoon, they had signed all the paperwork, and would be able to move in at any time.
That night, the girls had a sleepover at Willow’s.
"Oh wow! My best friend, the homeowner!" Willow smiled as she sat Indian-style on the floor of her bedroom across from Buffy, who was letting Cordelia paint her nails.
"Homeowner?" Buffy replied, wrinkling her nose. "Makes me sound like my mother."
"Well, Angel’s paying for it, he’s just putting your name on the paper, right?" Cordelia asked.
"Yeah, it’s like I am legally co-owner or whatever."
Willow frowned. "So, you don’t know what it means?"
Buffy shrugged, "Angel told me some stuff and I’m sure he’d explain it all to me…. If I cared."
"Is everything all right Buffy? You seem a little… strange lately." Willow asked, concerned.
Buffy pasted a smile on her face. "Everything’s fine."
"Done!" Cordelia grinned proudly, then screwed closed the nail polish bottle. "I’m going to go get a drink. Do you guys want anything?"
"Could I get another Sprite?" Buffy asked.
"Sure. You’ve been drinking that a lot lately, Buffy, what’s up with that?"
Buffy shrugged. "I go through spurts. It’s my Sprite spurt…. Eww that sounded gross!"
Cordelia wrinkled her nose as she walked out of the room. "Yes it did!"
As soon as she was sure Cordelia was out of earshot, Willow turned to Buffy. "You know… I drink Sprite a lot when I have a stomach ache."
Buffy looked at her strangely. "That’s nice."
"Buffy, come on, just tell me what is going on! I’ll find it out sooner or later anyway!"
"Willow, *nothing* is going on."
"I know you think nobody has noticed, but I have! You’ve been sick to your stomach all week, you’re way more tired than usual, and you are keeping a secret!"
"I am not!"
"Oh really? Well maybe I should just call Angel and tell him what I’ve noticed and see if he knows what is up."
"No!" Buffy replied angrily. "You leave him alone, I’m serious! I can take care of myself, don’t worry about me!"
Cordelia walked back in. "What’s going on?"
Willow bit her lip and decided that the only way to get Buffy to confess might be peer pressure. "Buffy has been getting sick to her stomach all week, she’s pale, have you noticed that she’s been tired all the time?"
Cordelia sat on the edge of the bed with a stunned look on her face. "What are you saying?"
"She’s not saying anything, she has no idea what she’s talking about! I’m stressed! I’m getting married, graduating high school, and my mother is having a baby."
"Is she the only one?" Willow asked.
"Yes!" Buffy hissed before standing up, pacing the room.
"Buffy, you’ve been tense all week… ever since you saw your doctor." Willow sighed.
Buffy turned away, knowing if she had to face them right then there was no way she could keep her secret. And she *had* to keep it a secret! Not even Angel knew!
"Buffy, are you pregnant?" Cordelia asked in the most concerned gentle voice that Buffy had ever heard her use.
She couldn’t take it anymore. The pressure became too much. She put her hand over her mouth to muffle the sob that wracked her body. Slowly her shoulders began to shake, as she could no longer stop the sobs from escaping her body. Tears streamed down her face, but she refused to turn around.
Willow stood up and walked over to her distraught friend. "You are, aren’t you?"
Buffy nodded, not being able to stop weeping to speak. Willow hugged her tightly and allowed Buffy to cry on her shoulder.
A few minutes later, Buffy had calmed down and sat on the edge of the bed between Willow and Cordelia. Cordelia handed her a cup of the Sprite and made her drink it.
"It’ll be okay, Buffy." Willow reassured her.
Buffy shook her head and sighed. "I haven’t told Angel, I don’t know what he’ll say! He’s always talking about how he can’t wait to get married so it can be ‘the two of us’! How am I supposed to tell him there will be the three of us?"
"Are you kidding?! Angel will be ecstatic!" Cordelia told her.
"I wish I could be so sure." Buffy told them as she wiped her nose. "As awful as it sounds, I’m not sure I’m ready to be a mother."
Willow smiled comfortingly. "Of course not! You’re eighteen."
"So where does that leave me? I’ve thought about it… and I just can’t have an abortion, but I don’t think I can spend nine months carrying this baby and then give it away. or if Angel doesn’t hate me, maybe he won’t want to give it away, but then what if we keep the baby and I’m a bad mother?!"
"First of all, Angel is *not* going to hate you!" Willow told her. "Second, you’d be a great mother, I just know it."
Cordelia smiled soothingly. "You know Buffy.. As much as we want to help you, there’s only one person that can help you decide what to do."
"I know." Buffy sighed. "I planned to tell him last night, but I wimped out."
"You can do it!" Willow encouraged. "Angel loves you more than anything, and I am betting when he finds out you are having his baby he will be very happy."
Cordelia nodded in agreement. "So, when are you telling him?"
"Would you guys tell him for me?" Buffy asked, biting her lip.
"Buffy." Cordelia replied, in her most stern voice. "You know we can’t."
"Would it be cheating if I just sent him a Father’s Day card?"
"Those things don’t come out until May." Willow said.
Buffy shrugged. "May’s not too late, it’s just a month from now!"
"Buffy!" Willow and Cordelia scolded in unison.
Buffy took a deep breath. "Okay, this is silly. I’ll just tell him and get it over with. We’ll make a decision and then I’ll have one less thing to worry about."
The other two girls nodded their approval, then Cordelia grinned and said, "Oh, we can go to the baby stores and buy cute stuff!"
Willow and Buffy looked at Cordelia in amazement. Only *she* could think of shopping at a time like this!
The End