Culture Clash

SPOILER WARNING: 'Innocence' be damned--it never happened. This is a happy story!
RATING: PG-14
CONTENT: A little sexual innuendo, but nothing a normal viewer of the show couldn't read.
SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel's different senses of fun clash when Buffy wants to see a movie staring her favorite actor.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy and Angel. Joss and the WB do. PS: I made up the movie in the story. But I'm allowed to do that, I'm the author, and since 'insipid garbage' pretty much describes every bit of this actor's work lately, I doubt it's a huge stretch....

Upon stepping into Angel's apartment, Buffy couldn't help but giggle at what she saw. Angel was sitting on the leather couch, curled up in his silk robe, reading the evening paper. It was so incredibly odd to see Angel in such a downright domestic position, she couldn't help but laugh.

The ringing of her laughter got his attention immediately, causing him to lift his head from his paper and greet her with a warm smile. "What's so funny?" he asked while setting the periodical to the side as she entered, shutting the door behind her. She shrugged as she sat down on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck in a seductive manner.

"Just Mr. Domestic Vampire over here. All you need is a pipe and a cup of coffee and you could be in one of those fifties sitcoms." Angel looked at her as though she were insane for a moment before deciding not to even bother questioning her as to what in the hell she was talking about. He wrote it off to the age old excuse of "she's been drinking something with way too much caffeine in it again"

"They don't do this in fifties sitcoms." he answered with a predatory grin as he leaned over and placed a deep kiss on her lips. While uttering a soft murmur of contentment, the Slayer shifted her position on his lap, cracking her closed eyes open briefly. Before she could close them again, something on the couch caught her attention and distracted her enough to break the kiss with Angel and scoot off his lap to retrieve it.

He watched her, his eyes full of question marks as to why she had moved away as her fingers snatched up the evening paper. "OOOH! The new Leonardo DiCaprio movie is playing!" she shrieked as her eyes glued themselves to an ad containing a picture of the Hollywood heartthrob in the paper beside the movie listings. "And it's playing in an hour." she stated, looking at her vampire lover with hopeful eyes.

"If this is about a sinking boat, so help me…." he began but was quickly silenced by a pouty look on her face. "Don't you have to hunt tonight?" Angel questioned with an arched eyebrow, considering the recent speech he had gotten over the phone from the Watcher about monopolizing Buffy's time that she could be spending slaying. At least, he thought that was what the conversation was about as the Watcher had called during an afternoon and Angel had accidentally fallen asleep to the stuffy British accent.

"I'll slay tomorrow. My schedule is wide open for tonight." she answered without hesitation. She was clearly thrilled at the prospect of seeing the film, though it was obvious that Angel was just a little less than enthusiastic about sitting through a movie while his girlfriend ogled the guy on-screen.

"Is thing going to be like the time we went to Blockbuster?"

"No! This time I know what I want to see, so there will be no arguing over what to watch." Buffy reasoned.

"Meaning, of course, I get no opinion in the matter." Angel interjected with a playful grin. She just rolled her eyes before sliding her hands down his shoulders and resting them on his silk covered chest. "Okay, okay. I'll get dressed and grab some money so we can go." Angel finally gave in while standing up. The immensely pleased look on his girlfriend's face was enough to get him through what would probably be a two hour long female drool-fest at the theater.

Half an hour later Angel and Buffy found themselves standing in line for tickets at the theater along with a number of other teenage couples and a number of eleven year old girls who had come with their parents to see the new Leo film. As Angel surveyed the crowd, he kept hearing female voices uttering variations of, "Leo is sooo cute!" to either their significant others or the person closest to them.

"Are you sure you won't rather see something else?" Angel inquired as they neared the ticket booth. The Slayer just gave him a, 'what, are you nuts?' look before returning her eyes to the poster of Leonardo DiCaprio in the theater. Angel's eyes drifted to the other males in the crowd, all of which seemed to share his mentality about the movie and looked either utterly bored or slightly annoyed at their girlfriends' gushing over the star.

After making it to the booth, Angel purchased the two tickets and held Buffy's hand as they walked in. Immediately, the Slayer pulled Angel in the direction of the snack counter. "I need movie treats." she simply stated as they took their place behind two other couples in line.

"What do you want then?" Angel asked as he pulled out his wallet.

"Ummm…a large popcorn with extra butter, some Milk Duds, Skittles, Sour Patch kids and some Rasinets. Oh, and a diet Pepsi." Buffy answered, causing Angel to just stare at her for a moment, wondering if it was at all possible for the petite girl to consume that much food in that period of time. Buffy, noting Angel's expression just shrugged, "Movies mean pig-out. Where have you been?"

When they got up to the snack stand, Buffy placed her large order, which was quickly filled by the employee, as Angel stared in shock that the order had come to cost more than the tickets had. But, it was Buffy, and he would do anything for her, including paying exorbitant expenses for candy, soda and popcorn.

With a little help from the vampire, since even Slayers can't carry that many things by themselves, the couple entered the theater and found a pair of seats somewhere near the back. After taking their seats and setting the food aside, Angel casually placed his arm around her shoulder. "When does it start?" Buffy asked excitedly.

Angel pulled out his pocket watch, his Christmas gift from Buffy, to see that they had nearly twenty minutes until the picture started. "Twenty minutes." Buffy sighed in disappointment, as she was quite eager to see the film. But, deciding to make the best of it, she leaned over and rested her head against Angel's chest, despite the annoying arm rest between them.

"Do you want a Raisinet?" she asked, reaching for her box that had been tucked away until now.

"What the hell is a 'Raisinet'?" the vamp questioned, obviously once again at a loss for pop culture as the Slayer handed him the box. He inspected the writing on the side before cringing, "Raisins and chocolate? I don't think so." he said while handing the box back to her.

"They're nature's candy--just dipped in chocolate so people will eat them...." Buffy giggled as she cracked open the seal. She pulled out one of the candies and held it in her fingers. She lifted the candy to Angel's mouth and traced the outline of his lips with it while stating, "They're good. Trust me. Open up." Giving in to her teasing, he opened his mouth and allowed her to feed him the candy. "Well?"

"Well, this is the most disgusting thing I've eaten in an age, maybe two." Angel resolutely stated without leaving much room for argument. Buffy let out a soft groan of playful frustration as she thrust a candy into her mouth and happily chewed and swallowed it. "So, what do you want to do till the movie starts?"

"I don't know--but I can come up with a few ideas…." Buffy giggled before slipping her hand behind Angel's head and bringing him in for a passionate kiss. Just as they closed their eyes, the distinct sound of girlish giggling invaded their ears. The couple broke the kiss to look behind them to find a group of several pre-teen girls, who had obviously come to see their big crush on the big screen, were currently watching the Slayer and her cradle-robbing-creature-of-the-night-boyfriend in lip lock.

When the girls got a look at the handsome vampire, it only caused them to giggle more and whisper amongst themselves. She and Angel turned away from the spectators and toward the screen once more as she said, "It's true: dark, handsome, brooding men in black appeal to all ages." she playful smiled as he intertwined his fingers with hers.

"If I weren't a--" Angel stopped, realizing that young girls could be listening, "what I am, I'd blush." he grinned as the lights dimmed for what would obviously be a barrage of film previews. Settling back in their chairs with his arm around her shoulder, Angel prepared to watch the movie.

After about twenty minutes of previews, the demonstration that the speakers and surround sound were working, as they almost broke Angel's eardrums, the beginning credits stated scrolling across the screen. It went downhill from there. The movie, which turned out to be a completely dull piece of drivel, put almost every male in the audience to sleep within the first half hour while the girls stared at the screen.

Angel, who would have fallen asleep, found that the only thing that kept his interest was watching Buffy's face in the darkness. But even that couldn't compensate for the 'chick flick' movie that was wearing on his nerves. Buffy, on the other hand, was completely engrossed in the film and her snack food.

About forty-five minutes in, Angel noticed that one by one, the boyfriends in the crowd were walking out of the theater. Debating the morality of leaving briefly during the movie, Angel finally decided that if it preserved his sanity, it was a worthy cause. "I'll be right back, I'm going to get something to eat."

"I have food." Buffy whispered back, not taking her eyes off of Leo.

"Umm, well, I…want something else." he answered uncomfortably before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. He rose from his seat and walked out of the theater leaving his girlfriend wondering, for the brief second that her attention wasn't on the screen, why her vampire boyfriend was buying non-plasma based food.

As the bright lights of the lobby and snack stand hit him, a sharp contrast from the dark theater, Angel noted a gathering of high school aged boys just outside the doors, all of which were talking together. Angel wandered closer, and as he did he heard, "Man, I thought I was going to go nuts watching that movie!" Angel then realized that he was not alone in the belief that if the movie didn't star the Hollywood hunk, no one would have sat through it, male or female.

After walking around, stretching his immortal legs which were sore from fidgeting in his seat for lack of anything better to do, Angel walked to the snack stand and purchased a bag of gummy worms, just to be sure that his story wasn't a total fib. He then reentered the theater against his better judgment.

He retook his place beside Buffy, slipping his arm around her shoulder after opening his bag of candy. "What did I miss?" he asked in an almost silent whisper.

"Leo without a shirt on." Buffy grinned.

"I'll find the strength to live on even though I missed it." Angel joked before putting a piece of stale movie theater candy in his mouth and realizing that there was a reason why he didn't usually eat candy, stuffed the bag in his pocket to be thrown away later.

He fidgeted a few minutes before slouching down in his seat and closing his eyes as many of the male viewers had already done. It didn't take long for the vampire to fall fast asleep in his chair.

Fifteen minutes later, during a scene that didn't contain Leo, Buffy shifted her eyes from the screen to her date to find him unconscious at her side. A quick poke in the arm roused Angel from his peaceful slumber. "Is it over?" he asked quickly before his eyes could settle on the screen to discover that it was certainly nowhere near finished.

"No." she answered, just a tad annoyed that he had fallen asleep. At least, she reasoned, he hadn't been snoring or anything like a few men in the audience. "I can't believe you're sleeping...." she whispered back.

"This is really painful, Buffy. The very idea that I'm still here should prove to you how much I love you."

"Tell you what...stay conscious and I'll...." she stopped.

"Go do something I want to for our next date." Angel interjected.

"Deal." Buffy answered as Leo came back on the screen again.

The only thing that kept Angel awake through the duration of the rest of the film was the gears turning in his head of what he could possibly take Buffy to that would not only be enjoyable but suitable mock-revenge for the sheer pain of the film's mediocrity. A symphony, perhaps. Too easy. An opera? That was going above and beyond. He could only imagine him getting a stake after an Italian opera, for he knew the Slayer would hate that. A play then. That seemed sufficient.

By the time the film finally came to an end, Angel had his entire scheme planned out as the lights came on and various girlfriends woke their boyfriends so they could leave the theater. "I stayed awake." Angel pointed out to the Slayer as he assisted in slipping her jacket on.

"I noticed. So, what do you have in mind for our next date, seeing as you're the one planning it?" she asked while they filed out of the theater.

"It's a surprise. You'll find out tomorrow night." Angel replied, once again putting on the cryptic wiseman act. They walked out of the theater complex and into the night, hand in hand.

"I have to hunt tomorrow night." Buffy interjected.

"I'll talk to Giles about it. I wouldn't want you to miss what I have in mind." he responded while they walked through the parking lot to the car. When they reached it, the vampire turned to his girlfriend, "I feel like coffee, how about you?"

"We passed the coffee stage of the relationship when I started using your robe in the morning." she playfully reminded him.

"This has nothing to do with the stages of dating. This has everything to do with waking me up from that movie." Angel quipped back as he opened her car door. Buffy groaned softly while rolling her eyes.

"It was a good movie!" she argued while he got inside. She proceeded to argue the good points and highlights of the movie during the entire car ride to the only Starbucks in Sunnydale while Angel tried to convince her that had the actor not been in the film, the audience would have pelted the screen with rotten fruit. As it were, all those with Y chromosomes had either fallen asleep or had walked out at least a dozen times with the excuse of 'stretching legs' or 'getting snacks'.

It took the greater part of the evening, not until they were back in Angel's apartment, that they finally agreed to disagree about the merit of the film.

Later at the apartment, as the pair crawled into bed, the Slayer leaned over and asked, "So, are you going to tell me what we're doing tomorrow?"

"You'll find out tomorrow night." he smiled back in the darkness. Giving him a playful swat to the arm, the Slayer settled back into his arms, her curiosity still flowing as she tried to figure out what Angel had up his sleeves.

The next day--

In an act which could only be described as completely out of the ordinary, Angel had set his alarm to wake him at three in the afternoon. It took several cups of coffee and a few bags of blood before he reached a state of actual consciousness, but he had finally gotten there.

Once awake enough to know which end was up, Angel began a series of preparations for the evening ahead of them. Phone calls needed to be made, including one to Giles, explaining the reason that Buffy couldn't hunt that night. Once he explained that his intentions for the evening included giving Buffy a little culture by taking her to a play, the Watcher was agreeable after he got over the shock that Angel was actually awake.

After the call to Giles, it was a call to the ticket office. Once that was completed, Angel went to be sure that he had a clean suit for the evening. After that, it was off to call Buffy, who, if he was correct, was just arriving home from school.

Three rings passed before someone picked up the phone, "Hello?" it was clearly Buffy's voice.

"It's me." Angel smiled to himself.

"'Me' who?" she coyly inquired.

"How many other guys are you dating that are allergic to sunlight, garlic and crosses?" he asked playfully, getting a soft laugh from the other end of the line.

"Counting you? Well there's…" she jokingly trailed off. "It's early for you, what's up? Some big threat to the American way of life in the form of a demon?" she asked, her voice turning serious briefly.

"No. I just called to tell you that you need to wear a dress tonight--something like that prom dress that I really liked."

"You mean the one I died in?" she jested.

"I said 'something like' it." he quickly interrupted. "It's kind of a dress-up thing."

"Are you finally going to tell me what we're doing? I need to know in order to accessorize correctly." Buffy attempted, hoping that argument would be enough to make Cryptic Guy spill the beans about the plans for the evening.

"Just wear a nice dress and your locket. That's all the accessories you need. I have to go. I'll see you tonight at sundown, okay?" he asked, obviously avoiding her inquiries. "Good-bye, Buffy."

"Good-bye, Angel. I'll see you tonight." with that, the pair hung up their phones.

Deciding that nothing else could be done to prepare until later, Angel sat down in front of the television to watch a few afternoon talk shows until it was time to get ready for their date. Angel realized while watching why it was that he slept through daytime TV....

Several hours, and several outfit changes later, Buffy arrived at Angel's apartment about half an hour after sundown, outfitted in a long white dress, matching shoes, and of course, the necklace that Angel had given her for Christmas that she was rarely without. Walking inside the apartment, the Slayer couldn't help but quietly gasp.

Angel was standing in the middle of the living room, fixing the cuff link on his jacket. As usual, Angel was dressed entirely in black, but the form-fitting suit looked especially dashing on the handsome vampire. "Wow…you look great." Buffy smiled as she walked inside.

She did a small turn so that Angel could inspect her dress. He was speechless for a few moments before finally saying, "You look so amazing…." she blushed before he gave her a tight greeting hug. "So, shall we?"

"Are you finally going to tell me where we're going?" Buffy asked.

"I'll tell you when we get there." he extended his arm to her in typical gentleman fashion, and once she took it, the pair walked out of the apartment together.

She should have known right away that something was wrong when Angel parked in the theater parking lot...especially since it wasn't a movie theater, but an actually *theater* theater. "Okay, joke's over. Very funny." Buffy said as they got out of the car together and began walking to the door.

"No joke. I suffered through Leo without a shirt, you have to suffer through culture. Just be glad it's not Italian opera, because I'll have you know, I was sincerely tempted."

"You would have gotten the stake." Buffy quickly replied in deadpan.

"Hence why I didn't do it!" Angel answered while reaching into his coat pocket to get the tickets that had been delivered to his apartment for a hefty tip. "It's Shakespeare...you'll like it. You've watched that "Romeo and Juliet" movie enough times...."

"That's because Leo was in it!" Buffy quickly protested. "It doesn't mean I understood a word of what they were saying!" she stopped her argument when they came to the door. Angel gave a man there the tickets and he uttered some directions to Angel as to where their seats were.

Taking the Slayer by the hand, Angel led her to their balcony box seats. "I bet this cost you a ton." Buffy commented.

"Well, anything for you, Honey." he smiled as he assisted her in sitting in her seat.

"What are we seeing?" Buffy asked, hoping, praying that it was something that would hold her interest for five minutes.

"Macbeth." Angel replied, handing her a program that he'd picked up. With that, the Slayer's hopes and prayers were quickly shattered to pieces. There was no hope of anything interesting tonight; nope, this definitely would not be fun. Even being with Angel couldn't make up for it. "Relax...it's really good. And it's got witches."

"Oh, well, that changes everything!" she said, abusing sarcasm once more, "Speaking of the supernatural...I should call Giles. He should know where I am in case something comes up." Buffy rose from her seat but Angel was quick to grab her hand and guide her back into the chair.

"I talked to Giles, he knows we're here and he's glad you're getting culture. To quote him, "It's about time someone exposed her to something besides that mind-numbing dreck on the television." Buffy glared at the vampire at her side for a moment.

"How could Giles turn on me like that?" Buffy gasped. Angel just shook his head, a smile playing on his face as the theater lights dimmed and the stage lights were turned on. As the opening scene began, Angel watched the stage avidly while the Slayer fidgeted in her chair. < Hmmm, > she thought to herself, < How should I pass the time in the dark...with Angel...? Oh, that was a hard one. > Casually, the Slayer slipped her hand onto Angel's and leaned in for a kiss.

"I'm trying to watch the play." Shot down. Damn. She glowered in the darkness and tried to watch what was going on in the play, but they could have been talking about bathroom fixtures for all she could understand. She looked over the balcony and saw the people below, all of whom looked to be interested in the events on the stage, or they were faking it better than she.

Some time passed, characters came and went while she half watched the play and counted how many of the people below the balcony were wearing out-dated outfits. Once that got dull and she finished her counting, she was again bored. < What to do...what to do.... > The Slayer sighed in boredom and noted that Angel looked like he was absolutely enthralled with the stage action. Figures. < He was alive when they talked like this! >

Buffy again sighed before reaching for her purse; hoping something contained there in might help break her boredom. Make-up, keys...Skittles. She remembered buying a half pound bag before going to Angel's apartment that she'd forgotten about until now.

Opening the bag, she popped an orange candy into her mouth while looking over the balcony. Gazing over the people, a deliciously wicked and immature thought came to her head. < Do I do something that childish? Ah, what the hell? I never get to do anything immature anymore. > With that, and with a yellow Skittle in hand, she pitched the candy over the balcony, nailing a woman in an ugly hat. The woman looked around in shock and confusion but soon returned her attention to the actress playing Lady Macbeth.

Buffy giggled softly, alerting the vampire at her side. When he looked at her with questioning eyes, she just shrugged and went back to 'watching' the play. As soon as his eyes were on the stage again, a grape flavored Skittle sailed through the air and hit a snobby looking woman in an ugly green dress. She looked up like Chicken Little, thinking the sky was falling, and after a few seconds, returned to watching the play.

Buffy bit back her laughter and threw more candy out of boredom. She was so involved in her game that she didn't realize that the vampire at her side had been watching her since the forth Skittle hit a man in a toupee. Just as she reached into her bag for about the fifteenth time, Angel quickly but gently grabbed her hand, forcing her to stop. "This is the most immature thing I have ever seen you do in as long as I've known you." his features were stone hard, but his eyes betrayed the humor of the situation. Buffy could tell he was holding back peals of laughter.

"You've seen me do plenty of things far less mature than this." she quickly argued, hoping that he wouldn't ask for any examples, as she really couldn't think of any. "Sorry." the Slayer bit back giggles while Angel confiscated the bag of candy and set it to his far side, very much out of Buffy's reach. "You always ruin my fun." she pouted.

Angel placed his finger over his lips, the universal "shush" sign. "Is it almost over?" Buffy asked, her hopes rising, only to have them fall with a shake of Angel's head. Buffy quietly groaned and proceeded to fidget in her chair.

After some time had passed, the lights turned on and people began filing out to the lobby. "It's over?!"

"Intermission." Angel replied, helping her to her feet, both of which had fallen asleep during the show. Together, they walked to stretch their muscles before the second part of the play.

"I can't believe people like this stuff!" Buffy groaned. Angel couldn't help but quietly laugh. "You got your revenge for the movie, and I can understand that you wanted to."

"But?" he asked, his right eyebrow curiously arched.

"But this is beyond even you, Fang Boy!" Buffy quickly argued.

"Fang Boy?" Angel asked, giving her a look.

"Sorry, I've been hanging around Xander too much. But you know what I meant."

"Buffy, after that movie, this is nothing. At least this has a plot. And consider yourself lucky I didn't go on a five state murder spree after that movie, because, believe me, I was close." Angel replied with a smile on his lips. The grin on his face served to annoy her all the more.

"That's it, for this...you're sleeping on the couch. That's the least you deserve." Buffy smiled a crocodile grin. Angel's jaw dropped and his eyes narrowed in disbelief.

"That's taking this a little too far. Can't we call it even?" Angel blinked his long eyelashes in a sexy fashion. Buffy coyly smiled and shrugged because she knew that she didn't want to spend the night without Angel and she wasn't going to actually force him onto the leather couch anyway, but it was fun to toy with him sometimes.

When the intermission came to an end the Slayer and her vampire went back to their seats for the second part, which Buffy was not looking forward to at all. About half way through Act IV, she almost fell asleep but miraculously was able to remain conscious. She went through her purse again after her little brush with sleep and this time came across a nail file. Happily, she worked on her nails for the remaining portion of the play.

When it ended, the people began to file out once again. Angel took her hand in his and together they walked out of the theater and while the people around them commented on what they thought of the show, Buffy commented on all the forms of revenge she had thought up for Angel during the last act.

In the parking lot, she was still describing what she planned to do to him. "Then, I'm going to tie you down to the couch and make you watch the Teletubbies for an entire night." Buffy wickedly grinned. "That should be enough to pay you back for this." During all of this, Angel could not help but smile.

"That's enough planning my torture, Buffy. I say we just drop it, go home and go to bed." Angel calmly grinned. The Slayer wasn't about to argue with that suggestion. "Let's go home." she nodded in agreement and let him open her car door for her in typical Angel gentleman fashion before he got in as well to take her back to his apartment.

These were the times with Angel she loved the most; just laying in bed cuddling. It wasn't that everything else wasn't wonderful, it was just that of all the things, this was her favorite. Her head was cushioned on his chest, her body half leaning against his and their arms draped around each other, holding onto the other tightly but gently. These were the best times....

"Are you still with me?" Angel lazily inquired, using his right hand to brush a stray tress of blond hair away from her face. Buffy blinked rapidly for a moment then gently smiled and nodded. "I thought you might have dozed off or something."

She shook her head, kneading her hand into Angel's bare shoulder. "I was just thinking about how much I love this...just being here with you."

"Is that all?" he asked. She sighed softly, knowing she couldn't hide much of anything from her preternatural lover. He always knew her heart.

"I was just thinking...do you ever think sometimes that we're too different for our own good?" Buffy asked, lifting her head slightly from Angel's pectoral. "I mean, aside from the species thing and birthright duties and all. I love shopping, you hate it. You like books, I...well, don't. You like these plays and all this old stuff and I'm about as modern as you can get...." Angel quietly laughed below her. "What?"

"Our differences make life interesting, Buffy. You've exposed me to so many things I'd never have done, or noticed, or appreciated without you. Granted, there are times when what you show me is a bad movie, but in the time I've known you, you showed me a whole new, wonderful world. Things would be trivial to me, but when I see them through your eyes...it's like I'm seeing something for the first time. When you get to be a certain age, you get a...world-weariness. I used to be like that till I met you." she smiled, clinging tighter to the vampire before giving him a soft kiss.

"I didn't know you felt that way...." she whispered. "You give me so much, I sometimes feel like I don't give back what I get." he kissed her, a small, gentle kiss before placing a finger over her lips to silence any more such words from the Slayer.

"You give me more than you'll ever know. I'd sit through every Leonardo DiCaprio movie for you." he smiled, getting a soft giggle from the Slayer in his arms.

"And I'd sit through the complete works of William Shakespeare for you." she grinned back. "It must be true love."

"Oh, yeah." And with that, they kissed, sealing their love once more.

Several minutes later, they fell asleep in each other's arms, smiles playing on both of their faces.

The End