by Shirlz
Disclaimer: All characters here belong to the Great God of Evil Mr. Joss ‘Acid House’ Whedon. The title and the lyrics belong to the Thompson Twins. Please don’t sue me coz I am so poor that even the church mice give me loans!!!
Rating: PG – if you watch the shows then this is ok for you.
Thanx: BtVS/Angel for the inspiration, Joss (when he’s in his more lucid of moments) and the 80’s – what a great decade!!!
Author’s Notes – Buffy’s POV on their relationship after Angel’s return from Hell. Things obviously aren’t right between them. ANGST WARNING!!!
Lyrics in Italics.
I have a picture
Pinned to my wall
An image of you and of me and we’re laughing
We’re loving it all
Look at our life now
All tattered and torn
We’re fussing and fighting, delighting in tears
That we cry until dawn
It’s not been the same since he came back. We try, Oh God do we try. But something is holding us back. Never again can we be the carefree couple we were before my 17th birthday. Carefree? That’s a joke. We were never that!
You say I’m a dreamer
We’re two of a kind
Both of us searching for some perfect world
We know we’ll never find
So perhaps I should leave here
Yeah go far away
But you know that there’s nowhere that I’d rather be
Than with you here today
Both of us have thought about walking away, but that’s as far as it’s got. I see the pain in his eyes and it tells me more than I need to know. But I also know that neither one of us is strong enough to make the break and, if we’re honest, neither wants to. The love between us is too compelling. I am half of him and he is half of me.
You ask if I love you
What can I say
You know that I do and that this is just one
Of those games that we play
So I sing you a new song
Please don’t cry anymore
I’ll even ask your forgiveness though I don’t know
Just what I’m asking it for
Maybe it’s expecting too much. One torments the other for months and then… No, it’s too painful to go there. Let’s just say that I did something that I can’t forgive myself for. And if I can’t then how can I expect him to? Neither of us will discuss it. Not willing to pick at the scar tissue which hides the seething mass of poison bubbling just below the surface.
Hold me now
Warm my heart
Stay with me
Let loving start
So we cling to each other in desperation, not talking about our feelings. Fixing on smiles and going through the motions. Both too afraid to make the first move so the real healing can start.