Disclaimer: The people are real, they belong to themselves.
The mentioning of Buffy and Angel, those belong to Joss.
WARNING: R rating. Not for those with weak stomachs. There is torture in here!
Author's Note: This was co-written by Hannah. We're bored, we write. It's bad, I
know. Please, no flames telling how it was bad, because I know that. It was
kinda meant to be that way.
"ARGH! I can't believe it!" Cass said when she woke up that morning.
"What?" Hannah asked.
"Ok, not only did my mother wake me up at 8:30, tell me what to do, then stick me with babysitting, but I have to watch all the tapes to organize them and be put through Joss' stupid ways AGAIN!" she vented.
"I know what we could do to make you feel better," Hannah said.
"What?" Cass asked, suddenly interested.
"Wanna go hurt Joss?"
"Oooo... that has possibilities. Let me pack. I need old clothes. I'm gonna get bloody, and I don't want to ruin my new clothes."
"Right me too!" So they drove to LA in Cass' 00 black Mustang convertible excited about torturing the most evil creature existing.
When they arrived at the BtVS shooting site, they carefully crept inside. They snuck back into Joss' office and awaited his arrival. Joss came into the room, stunned to see Hannah and Cass there.
"What are you two kids doing he-" Joss said before fainting. Cass had put (don't remember what its called Angel used it in that fic where Buffy was gonna marry Riley.) Cass and Hannah lugged Joss up when they ran into Sarah and David!!!
"Hey! What are you guys doing with Joss?" Sarah asked confused.
"We're uh- um- taking him to lunch. Yeah, it's lunchtime. Bye." They quickly walked away until David touched Cass shoulder, she froze. "Hey, really where are you going with him?" "We, were gonna go torture him."
"Cass!" Hannah yelled.
"Oh come on like you could lie to him?"
"You're gonna torture him?!" Sarah yelled.
"Hey! Not so loud, people might here you!" Cass said.
"Why?" David asked.
"Because we're tired of not seeing Buffy and Angel together." Hannah explained.
"And cause my mom woke me up too early this morning and cause I'm not getting laid so I'm venting." Cass said.
"Still that is no reason to kill Joss!" Sarah said.
"No one ever said anything about killing." Hannah replied with an evil grin.
"Oh! Then we want to help," David said.
"We do?" Sarah looked at him.
"Yeah, of course... we won't kill him, just hurt him."
"Ok, fine," Sarah said with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Ok, for this, David you need to take off your shirt... oh, so you don't get blood on it, I mean. Cause it looks like a really nice shirt." Hannah said.
"Right," Cass said rolling her eyes.
After David took off his shirt (to Hannah's constant persistence in making him) they brought Joss down to a dungeon (I feel like having a dungeon so I have one...DEALWITHIT!) and chained Joss up Wondering briefly why Joss had a dungeon in the studio, Cass began to take out her 'tools.' In her bag of goodies was a drill (my personal fav),a chainsaw, knifes, candlesticks, pokers, probes, and anything else one could think of for torturing someone. David wondered briefly how she fit all that stuff in her backpack. He was brought out of his thoughts when he saw Cass pull out what he thought had to be the silliest device for torturing...a lighter.
About 15 minutes later Joss woke up disoriented, drowsy, and completely confused. "Where am I? Sarah? David? Who are these people, I don't remember."
"It's showtime Joss" David said.
"Show time? What do you mean? I don't under-AHHH!!!" he screamed as Cass drilled a hole in his hand. He hadn't even noticed it until she had finished. She let the blood drop on a piece of canvas and proceeded to draw a picture with it. Then Hannah came over and with the lighter took a small sewing needle and heated it up until it was dark from heat. She took it and made a line from Joss's cheekbone to his jawline.
Enjoying his screams.
"Man they're really good." David said, awestruck that these two kids (no offense, but technically) could inflict so much pain.
Sarah and David, wanting to get in on the fun, went over to the table of devices and picked out their favorites. David chose a ham and Sarah chose a claddaugh ring with a blade on the top of the crown. Cass continued to paint with the blood oozing off of Joss.
Sarah took the claddaugh and traced a line from his wrist to his elbow. Hard. Hearing his wails and yells she smiled in satisfaction knowing that THIS was what the fans needed. Joss torture, oh boy would the WB love this idea! David took the ham and was continually beating Joss with it in various places. "This is for Becoming! *whack* This is for Revelations *Whack* This is for Graduation *whack* This is for The Prom *Whack* and this, he hit him hard in the groin, "is for IWRY and Surprise and Innocence!"
"You go boy!" Hannah said and David smiled that half smile thingy and Hannah went all jello-ey at the knees. Cass continued drawing with Joss's blood while Hannah took a knife and slowly started cutting his fingers off.
"Hannah!" Cass yelled. "He can't write if he doesn't have fingers!"
"Isn't that the point?" Hannah asked innocently.
"No, we need to keep him. He's the official writer. We're just here to convince him."
"But I thought you were gonna write," Hannah asked.
"I can't. You know, things get in the way, but I'll make sure I like it. You too. Now I must continue to paint!"
"Well, it's a good thing I only chopped his left pinkie off and he's a rightey!" Hannah said before taking the candle and dripping hot wax on his chest until it was a small hill of wax. She then took a wick and placed it in the middle of the candle and lit it. Joss screamed out in pain. David took a poker, and pierced his tongue with it.
Cass then took a break from her drawing for a while and found a bullring (you know, the one's that they wear in their noses?) and put it in the hole in Joss' tongue. He screamed in pain as the heaviness of the ring almost tore his tongue out of his mouth.
Then Sarah took a stake and dragged it across his chest saying, "Joss, wanna do a shoot now? You be the vampire. "
"No, please Sarah, I do anything you want, I'll g-give you a raise, please don't hurt me anymor-ahhhhh!" Joss squeaked (yes squeaked as in mouse) when Sarah cut across his stomach with the stake.
Cass continued to draw, but before she finished she needed one more thing. She went over to Joss with her drill and slowly drilled a hole one-inch deep into his leg. Joss' cry of pain echoed throughout the dungeon. Sarah, Hannah, and David looked on with fascination as Cass took a bolt of a crossbow and continued to twist it through his leg. When she had finished, she seemed satisfied with it and went back to her drawing. Hannah, Sarah, and David were curious to what it was she was drawing, but by the look on Cass' face, they knew they should leave her be t her work. They would find out eventually.
David then took a pair of wispy fairy wings and hung then on his back. When looked at oddly even by Cass who took a break at her drawing he just said, "I always wanted to do that," and they all understood. Then Hannah took a pair of pliers and twisted his nose around.
"What the Hell are you doing?!" Someone yelled from the doorway.
They turned around to see a girl that looked to be Cass' age.
"Lisa!" Cass yelled. She went over and hugged the girl. "Opps, I got blood on you, sorry." Cass told Lisa.
"It's ok. I can't believe you didn't call me! How could you do this without me?!"
"I'm sorry. Be my guest." Cass went back to her drawing.
Lisa sauntered up to Joss. "Joss, I'm here to make the pain stop. Would you like it to stop?"
"Yes," he coughed out.
"OK." She put some Advil in his mouth and gave him some water to take it down. Just as soon as he finished swallowing the pills, Lisa punched him across the face. "How do you like it?! To be given something you want and then have it taken away? That's what you did to us with Angel and Buffy!" She continued to hit Joss until he was almost blacking out.
"Lisa, stop. He needs to be conscious," Cass told her, still drawing.
"Sorry."
Sarah went over to Joss and took a small dagger and cut him across the face with it. Then she took a nail clipper and made little cuts all over his body. Then David came over and kicked him in the nuts.
"Ok, guys enough!" Cass yelled. She could tell that Joss was close to dying, and they couldn't have that. Everyone gave her those 'do we have to' looks.
"Sorry guys, we need him alive. Plus I'm finished with my drawing!" She showed it to them. Looks of horror, but satisfaction crossed their faces.
Weeks later
Joss was in the hospital room almost recovered after being beat by a gang. He was ordering people around telling them how to get Buffy and Angel around.
"Mr. Whedon? This package came for you in the mail." the orderly told him. Joss looked at the package. There was no return address. He ripped the paper and screamed with horror. The nurse came running over and she too screamed with horror. On the canvas on the floor was a picture of Joss beaten and torture. Behind him on the wall in the picture were the words 'Was it good for you, too?' Signed at the bottom was the initials HCSDL. The picture was drawn in all of the blood that Joss had lost.
Meanwhile, Sarah, David, Cass, Lisa, and Hannah...
They went back to the dungeon to get the weapons. Afterwards Sarah and David bid Lisa, Cass, and Hannah farewell. "Well thanks for letting us vent out anger on your executive producer." Cass said.
"No problem, it was fun," Sarah said looking up at David lovingly.
"Who are you anyway?" David asked.
"We're the Buffy/Angel fans," and with that they were gone.
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