Disclaimer: How I wish I had the power to kill him, cause you all know I would. But I own nothing. I don't own, Buffy, Riley *shudder*, or Angel *sigh* they belong to Joss.
Rating: R... might go NC 17 in one part while B/A have their fun... but I'm not good at rating
Notes: Lisa, here, for having to go into a site to get a Riley pic. I just wish I knew why the Hell you had to put yourself through that torture Jessi, man, whipped cream. thanks, dude. I kinda combined the two challenges, but left some out

It was a dark night and Riley Finn was walking to see Buffy after he had checked in with Professor Walsh. As he walked, he thought about his cow, Bessie, and how much he missed her. Out of know where, a bat slammed down on Riley's head. As he slipped into unconsciousness, he heard a deep, sexy voice say, "You'll pay. No one messes with my woman."

Riley woke up disoriented. There was a huge bump on his head and it hurt like hell. As his eyes focused to his surroundings, he found that he was alone in the main room of the old mansion on Crawford Street. When he tried to move, he found himself bound by fetters and shackles. He pulled frantically on them, ignoring the pain as the metal cut into his skin.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Riley heard a voice say as the dark figured entered the room. "You'll cut your wrists off."

"Who are you?" Riley demanded.

"Why does it matter? I'm not the one chained up, so I guess I get to be the one asking the questions," Angel smirked.

"What do you want from me?" Riley asked again, too stupid to realize that this man meant what he said about him not asking questions.

"Shut the fuck up!" Angel yelled as he struck Riley across his face. "I told you that I ask the questions! We're gonna play teacher-student. I ask the questions and you answer them. Got it? Good. Let's begin!"

Angel strode over to the table in the middle of the room. He uncovered what look to be tools, probes, and all sorts of things that could do bodily harm. Angel picked up a knife, and walked over to Riley, running the cool metal across the boy's face. Riley shuddered as Angel's calm, but too calm voice asked, "Did you actually think that she loved you? That she would be yours?"

"Who?" Riley asked. (Again, let the author remind you that this guy is brain dead.) He screamed as the cool metal of the knife slashed across his cheek. He felt the crimson blood slide down his cheek and could almost hear it hit the floor in the deathly, silent room. "You know what? I'm tired of this already. You're too stupid to realize that I talk and not you. I'll just do some remodeling."

Angel took the blade of the knife and slowly slid it across Riley's arms. Angel beamed in satisfaction as Riley's screams permeated the hallow rooms of the mansion. Angel then ripped Riley's shirt off and almost lost his lunch at his incredibly ape-hairy-like chest. "I bet Buffy never saw this. She wouldn't like it. She likes her guys with little hair. Did you know that? I bet you didn't. I do. I know everything about her. She and I share a bond that you could never imagine sharing with her." After a long pause, Angel said, "I'm going to give you a hair cut. If you want to replace me, you have to have little hair."

"Please! Not my hair! It took me forever to grow it out this long!"

Angel laughed at the foolish boy. "Let me think, um, uh, no! Like I would give in to your petty excuse for groveling!" Angel removed a pair of scissors from the table. He cut Riley's hair until it was standing short on his head. Then Angel took a machete. He was headed towards Riley when he heard a familiar voice shout, "STOP!"

**

Buffy was walking towards the mansion on Crawford Street to go sit in the garden, just like she did every night when she wanted to think about Angel. As she turned the corner to enter the walkway to the garden, she heard a scream come from the mansion. She ran up the walk and was about to burst through to save the person, but she froze when she saw who was there.

Angel and Riley. Angel had Riley chained to the wall. She noticed a long gash on Riley's face, and some newer gashes on his arms. She guessed they were the reason why he was screaming. She looked at the scene before her in awe. Riley was chained to the wall, the metal on so tight, she knew if he moved it would cut his wrists. She watched as Riley's blood trickled to the floor. But the thing that shocked her most was that he was screaming because Angel was cutting his hair.

She knew right then that she has never really liked Riley. He was just a substitute for Angel, a poor one at that. She could never love anyone but Angel. Never. Angel was gentle and sincere. Riley was incompetent and selfish. Angel had looks. Riley, well, Riley looked like a long faced horse. Angel was all the man Buffy ever wanted. Riley was a pansy-ass, momma's boy who talked about his damn cows all the time.

Buffy knew right then and there that she wanted Angel back in her life, and she would do whatever she had to get him back. She saw Angel head towards Riley with a machete, knowing that he was going to finish Riley's haircut. Buffy got a better idea. She walked into the living area. "STOP!" she yelled just as the blade touched Riley's head.

**

Riley sighed with relief. He knew all about Buffy being the Slayer, and he thought he was saved. "Oh thank god you're here, Buff. You gotta save me. This thing is a vampire. He-" he was stopped short by Buffy.

"This 'thing,' he may be a vampire, but he's my lover. And, in fact, he's not a thing; he's a man. The man I love."

"What?! You can't be serious? What the Hell are you talking about?! You have sex with a vampire?! With the undead?! It just makes we wonder what you do with Spike! You must be some vampire whore!"

"I thought I told you not to talk!" Angel roared. "NO one talks about Buffy like that! NO one! You hear?! She is the most wonderful person in the world, and there is no way anyone will ever be able to compare to that!" As Angel finished, he took the machete that was in his hand, and threw it at Riley, just missing his head.

There was a little chest in the center of the room, and Angel opened it up and pulled out a drill bit a half an inch wide and twelve inches long. Riley watched in horror as Angel powered up the drill and started heading towards him. "Buffy?" Angel asked.

"Yes, honey?"

"Why did you stop me before I cut the boy's hair?"

"Oh! I got a better idea!"

"You did? And that would be?"

"I have tweezers!" Not quite getting it, Angel looked at her with confusion. "You're a guy, you wouldn't understand. You guys could never endure the pain of plucking. So, I'm gonna pluck every single hair off of his body!"

Angel nodded. He handed Buffy a pair of earmuffs. It was Buffy's turn to look confused. "I'm gonna put on some music."

"And I would need these why?"

"Because, honey, I'm sure you don't need to put yourself through the torture of a boob-fixed-teeny-bopper-Pamela-Anderson-wannabe, do you?"

"Oh god, don't tell me that you're going to put on Miss-I-went-from-a-size-A-to-a-size-D-in-two-week-and-I-swear-it-was-growth-and-I'm-a-big-whore-Spears?"

"That would be her."

"Then give me the damn muffs." Angel handed her her earmuffs and push play on the stereo. As the words to Baby One More Time flooded the mansion, the only other sounds that could be heard were Riley's screams as Angel slowly started to drill holes in Riley's arms and legs, and Buffy plucked every single hair off of his body.

When they were finished, they admired their work. Riley was still very much alive with blood sliding down his body and onto the stone wall. For the first time since they had put on their earmuffs, Angel and Buffy talked.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah, Angel?"

"Why did you do this? Aren't you mad?"

"Why would I be? You and I both know that we're the only ones for each other. No matter how hard we try, we will never be able to stay away from each other. Thanksgiving proved that, and Angel, I remember. I'll always remember. Don't ask me how, all I know is that it really happened, and I'll never forget. I promised, you know? And I never break my promises."

"I love you, Buffy. I'm sorry I left. I shouldn't have. I was stupid. You can live over a hundred years, and learn everything about the world, but you can never know enough about love. I want to love you, Buffy. I want to love you like no one ever could. I want to be your everything."

The tears started to fall from Buffy's eyes. "You are my everything, Angel. Without you, I would have died a long time ago. I love you. I never stopped. I'll always love you." Buffy fell into Angel's arms, and together they cried, clinging onto one another, never wanting to let go.

"Angel?" Buffy asked with a mischievous grin.

"What is it, baby?"

"I have something for the torture."

"And that would be?"

Buffy walked over to her bad and pulled out a long canister. Whipped cream.

"Uh, Buffy, what are you going to do, hit him over the head with it?"

"No, I was thinking along the lines of some exquisite torture." Buffy pushed the nozzle and put some of the contents into her mouth. She leaned up to Angel and kissed him, opening his mouth and entering her tongue plus the foamy dessert.

They kissed slowly as the substance dissolved in their mouths. Getting more and more turned on, Angel knew that he needed to stop before it went too far. He pulled away, "Buffy, we gotta stop. Curse." He was panting from the intensity of the kiss.

"God, Angel, do you have to ruin every moment by bringing up that damn curse? It's a wonder why I don't have you chained to the wall. You're so think-headed! If you really want to know, your soul is permanent. We found out weeks before you left, and I was gonna tell you Prom night, but you decided to break-up with me, so I never got a chance to tell you. Why do you think I suggested I get a drawer for when I stay over? It was because I planned on spending a lot of time with you. And then, you leave, and we had no way to contact you, so we couldn't tell you. Do you really think I would start something that we couldn't finish?"

Angel didn't answer, he just scooped Buffy in his arms and led her to the bedroom. He couldn't believe what Buffy had just told him. He could make love to her, give her what she deserved. For the rest of the night, Angel planned to give Buffy want she should have gotten every night since her seventeenth birthday. He was going to ravish her just he way she deserved, and he was going to be there when she woke up. Just like it should have been the first time.

As Angel slowly undressed her, Buffy was overcome with happiness. Never had she thought that she would be with Angel like this again. Never had she thought that he would come back to her, and they would be allowed a chance at true happiness. Buffy faintly remembered that Riley was chained up to the wall downstairs, but the thought of that left her head as soon as she felt Angel's mouth on her. She cried out in ecstasy as Angel continued his sweet torture on her skin.

Sensing that she was ready, Angel quickly rid himself of his clothes and lay on top of Buffy. As he slowly entered her, filling her once again, he looked into her eyes. He did not see hatred or mistrust. All he saw was love and lust. He felt the familiar happiness fill his soul that he felt on that night almost two years ago. But he did not stop, for he knew that they would wake up together the next morning.

**

Riley could hear the screams of the man and woman coming from upstairs. He heard their whole conversation, and knew that those were not screams of horror, but screams of happiness and fulfillment. But none of that mattered to him. All that mattered was that he needed to get out of there! He knew that they were no where near done to him. So in a vain effort to free himself, he pulled at the chains. He felt them give way! Free! He was free! He started running as fast as he could. He around to make sure that they weren't following him. BANG! He ran smack into a post. "Shit!" was all he said as he slipped out of consciousness.

**

Riley woke up with a huge bump on his head, just on the other side of where he was hit with the bat. HE noticed that he was once again chained to that wall. "Fuck," he mummered.

"Fuck is right, little boy. You thought that you could escape? Sure, but I would have caught you again. I told you, no one goes near my Buffy. I was going to be nice to you today, and let you die quickly, but you made me mad. Now I'll just have stretch the time." Angel grinned.

"You know, you really shouldn't have made him mad," Buffy told Riley as she walked up behind Angel and put her arms around his waist. "He gets really violent when it comes to me. He can't help it. I know I would have done the same thing if he had found another girl. I'm sorry, Riley. Sorry that you're too much of a loser to be allowed to live. Wait, no, I'm not. Angel hand me those toothpicks."

Angel handed Buffy a box of two hundred toothpicks. Buffy quickly started pushing the toothpicks into Riley's skin, delighting in his screams. When she finished, she quickly pulled the toothpicks out of him and watched little specks of blood form on his skin.

"Angel?" Buffy asked in a little girl voice.

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Kill him for me? Kill him for trying to take me away from you? Please?"

Knowing that he could never deny Buffy anything, he nodded. He went over to the table and uncovered his favorite toy, a flare gun. Angel aimed the gun two inches away from Riley's heart. As in struck his body, Riley screamed in agony.

"Thank you, honey. I have an idea." Buffy told Angel with a mischievous smile.

"And what would that be?"

"We never used the rest of the whipped cream. Race you to the bedroom!" They ran up the stairs, totally forgetting the flaming body of Riley Finn.

The next morning when they came downstairs, they found the ashes of what used to be the annoying boy, Riley Finn. Together, they cleaned up the mess, and then went back to bed.

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